


Mettle Jams

by acidlime



Category: Kamen Rider OOO, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Crossover, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-05-27 01:23:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6263989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acidlime/pseuds/acidlime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A human with the OOO driver finds his way into the universe of Beach City and the Crystal Gems, and joins them to help save the world. A continuation of the original Spacebattles SI story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. GIANT PROLOGUE

PART 1: GIANT PROLOGUE

When I was younger, I thought up the multiverse theory and accepted it as fact. It just made sense to me that there were other places. Power Rangers weren't real, but it was real somewhere. So that's why when my Dad would say "You know Pokemon aren't real", I'd say, "But they COULD be!" That's why I think this has happened to me. A week ago, I woke up at the bottom of a mountain with two core medals and the OOO Driver, along with a bag full of assorted fruit juices, water, a bunch of (mostly) salami sandwiches, and a sleeping bag.

So I figured that I must need to climb this mountain. There were others around, easily as high, but I hadn't woken up at the bottom of them. The bag was really cool, it held a ton of food that didn't ever go bad, and it was really light. It was like a bag of holding from D&D, which I thought was fitting, seeing as I was obviously on a magical quest. So, dressed in my most comfortable clothes and my favorite lace-up boots, which I must have arrived in, I set off up the mountain. I was alone with my thoughts, so I just geeked out at my OOO Driver. It was the real deal, when I took the scanner off, it made the noise, it was a light metal, almost aluminum, and the cores I had, Tora and Batta, weren't plastic-y, but a solid gem-ish sort of thing encased in metal. It was all legit, and that excited me. I walked for a while and tried to remember how I got here. I had memories, but they were vague, I knew my first name, but not my last, my past was pretty easy to recall, but I couldn't really picture myself. from what I could see, I was tall, sort of an athletic build, and I had brown hair, maybe. My body hair was brown, at least.

Eventually I got to a ravine on the mountain, and decided this would be a good place to start my camp ritual like I had the last few days. I looked at my progress and saw that I was pretty high up. The mountain disappeared into the clouds, but I never felt worried, the steep was so gradual. I often wondered why it wasn't snowing, but whatever. If I had a piece of ancient mystic weaponry that looked really modern technology wise, I could forgive inconsistencies with my world. I began to wonder about Greeeds and Yummys, were they here? Where were they? Was Ankh gonna show up? Would he be a sort-of good guy? The river was pleasant, a sort of crisp cool, not unwelcome in the heat of the afternoon. I felt my face, and I had some stubble. I knew I was a guy, I had seen proof pretty early on, and my name was masculine, at least conventionally. The water was leading into a large pool, so I soaked my clothes and left them to dry in the sun. I was alone, and so nudity wasn't really an issue. I looked at my face. I wore glasses, that much was obvious from early on, I wore thick ones, with a hipster-y look to them, but I liked the brown frames and remembered picking them out, so I guess I'm at fault. I liked the way they looked on my face, at least.

My eyes were sort of small, and squinty, but they were a sort of greenish blue, more blue than green, but there was definitely a hint. I was a bit disappointed, I had speculated that since I was obviously a magic action hero, I'd have some sort of weird facial trait, like a scar, or two colored eyes. But they weren't, and I was scar-less. I guess that explained why I had given up contacts, it would have been a struggle and a half to get them on those eyes. My nose was a bit crooked, but I never remembered getting hit, so it must have been natural. It was proportional, which is a lot of what I had to say about my face. Wavy brown hair sticking up from my habit of running my hands through it and being greasy from a few days of climbing a mountain. All of my features made me generally attractive, but nothing stood out, which irked me.

What kind of superhero isn't gorgeous? I had a little chip in one of my front teeth, which could be defining, but it was tiny. So was the beauty mark under my mouth. Nothing defining at all. My stubble was sort of patchy on my cheeks, but the rest came in pretty evenly, but it looked like I grew facial hair slow. I liked it this length, I remembered, but I couldn't remember why. I began to focus on my body, the small scars left over from youth. I was 19, by the way. Small scars were on one of my forearms and knuckles. I had two circular scars on my left wrist and knee. I was circumcised, no idea why, I wasn't Jewish, but whatever. I jumped into the water and scrubbed at my body, getting out briefly to see if whatever deity had given me some soap. Dr. Bronner's Citrus, my favorite. I applied the soap, lathered, and rinsed off in the water. A Bronner's Bath, I learned that from camp.

I got out and climbed into my sleeping bag after drip drying on some rocks. I hung my bag up on a branch and got out a grape juice and a sandwich, this one looked like chicken cutlet, and ate it heartily. I loved camping, I remembered, but hated dealing with it. I guess something changed though, because as the stars came out, I felt really happy.

The next day I woke up, miraculously un-sore, and put on my clothes, all dry from the morning sun. And the afternoon sun from yesterday, I guess, a team effort. Or wait- it's the same sun, so, just a solo effort.

The next day I woke up, miraculously un-sore, and put on my dry clothes. I ate some food, and rummaged in my bag. It was like an athletic bag, but the straps fit like a backpack. Like a golf bag, maybe. I put all my stuff away and tried to locate a deodorant I had found earlier. Smelling, at all, is a pet peeve of mine. I don't like being identified by odor, and I'm very self-conscious of it. I found it, applied liberally, and began walking. I soon became very annoyed though, as the walls became sheer, and I was never going to free climb. I walked around the mountain, trying to find a way up, when I saw a staircase, that, as far as I could see, went to the top of the mountain from the base. I saw something a bit down, and walked to it. It was a sword, with a cell medal embedded into the hilt. I pulled it out of it's sheath, but it was pretty standard other than the cell medal. European design too, so I guessed I was in Europe, somewhere. I began climbing the steps, a little irked at not knowing they were there, but whatever, I didn't struggle on the way up at all.

It was heavy, but cool, and it proved cell medals existed. I took a few swings with it, already feeling like a cool warrior. I turned around and went up the stairs. Eventually I broke into the clouds, and the end of the stairs. It was a temple entrance, on a series of plateaus that were all decorated with Chinese imagery, which was confusing me, the sword and the temple in the distance didn't really fit the same aesthetic. I was about to continue on, when a blast of light shot out from a stone circle and I fell back out of surprise into a bush.

"NEEEEEEEEE- Oof." I peered though the foliage and saw two figures, and a third rising.

"Whoa! Is this where the heaven beetle is?" The smallest one said.

"Apparently." Said the tall one.

"All the way at the top." Said the medium one.

"So-" The small one began. "When you fuse, do you turn into a GIANT giant woman, or a regular giant woman?"

"Ugh." The medium one sighed.

"Does one of you control the left arm and the other control the right arm?" He continued.

"Come on, Steven." The tall one says. They all begin to leave.

"Wait!" I shout and climb out of the bush. The two bigger ones turn and weapons appear, a lance spear sword thing for the tall one, and a whip for the medium one. I look a little closer and they're both pretty girls. The tall one has a pointy nose and a dancer's body, but she looks really elegant, and the medium one is... purple. Short, kinda chubby, but cute in a tomboyish way. They look ready to attack, and I tense up. Maybe they're Greeed? I remember they could take human form.

"Whoa! Who are you?" It's the short one, a pudgy kid in a pink shirt with a star.

I put the sword down.

"I'm Stephen."

It didn't take long for the kid to start freaking out.

"I'm Steven! I never meet anyone with the same name as me!"

I grin at his energy.

"With a V or a PH?"

"V."

"Ah, I'm a PH."

"State your reason for being here!" It's the tall one. She and the purple one are still leveling their weapons at me.

"I'm here to find something at the top. I'm not sure what."

"The heaven beetle?" The kid. Steven.

"I don't think so. I'm not sure why I was sent here, but I don't think that's it."

"You should come with us then!"

"I dunno about that. I'm not sure a kid should be going where I need to go. I fight monsters, you see." When I say this the three each have very different reactions. Steven furrows his brow and puffs out his cheeks, the tall one reels back like I hit her, and the purple one raises her eyebrows.

"I fight monsters too! I'm a member of the Crystal Gems!"

"The Crystal Gems? I've never heard of you." These guys may have teleporters and cool weapons, but I'm a bit above that. "Me? I'm a Kamen Rider."

"I suppose it's our turn to say we've never heard of you." The tall one says.

"Kamen Riders? Fourze, Ryuki, the first one, Decade, Stronger, Faiz?" They don't respond. "Okay, I guess I'm the first. I'm Kamen Rider OOO."

"Owes? Like 'he owes me money?'" The tall one looks a bit smug, her nose is pointed upwards and she's looking down it at me. She's a bit shorter than I am, but I dunno how tall I am, so I guess that's pretty useless. "How do you fight monsters?"

She's fishing for info, plain as day, but I can't transform right now, and I really don't want to tip my hand right now, so I just brush her off.

"With great skill, and it's spelled three Os." That's all they're getting for now. "Look, I don't know who you guys are, but you seem alright, and I could use some company getting to the top. How about we just keep moving?" The two women seem wary, but put away their weapons. I pick up my sword and fit it in between my back and my bag horizontally, so I can grab it. The two are still sizing me up, but they seem to want to keep moving. Steven seems happy.

"Yay! Let's go Big Steve!" I twitch as vague memories of high school rush back.

"What'd you call me?"

"Big Steve! I'm little, you're big, and we're both Steves!" Okay. I reacted weirdly to that. There's a kind of gap between what I remember and my actions, it's like the audio isn't synced to the video. He's a kid, so I let it slide.

"Let's go!"

"Wouldn't three Os be ooh? Like Boo? But with no B?" We're walking down the path to the top of the temple, and between asking who I have now learned are called Pearl and Amethyst questions about someone named Opal, and me about the OOO powers, it's been a long walk. I thought that being alone for a week would encourage social behavior, but I'm getting annoyed, and Pearl and Amethyst seem annoyed, and I can't imagine anyone having any fun right now.

"You can say it both ways. It's properly called 'Owes' though."

"So as a gem, I have a cool weapon, it's a shield. If you're a... something rider, what can you do?"

"Kamen Rider. I can transform and get superpowers."

"Show me!" He grabs the sleeve of my shirt. I turn around to look at him, and I can practically see the stars in his eyes.

"I don't feel like it, Stevie. Why don't you show me that weapon of yours?"

"Stevie?" Amethyst interjects with a bemused look on her face. I've noticed her and Pearl don't really get along by the way.

"I can't show you!" He gets a sad tone in his voice. "I'm not that good at summoning it."

"That's a shame, now I definitely won't transform."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" He shouts, falling to his knees. What an actor. I hope this kid loses this melodramatic streak. "How about if Amethyst and Pearl fuse, would you show me then?"

"Fuse?" The two stop, and I wonder if Steven has said too much.

"They're gems!" What ARE gems exactly? They seem a bit magical, the weapons are proof of that, but why does he keep referring to them as gems? "All gems can fuse, and these two can turn into Opal!" He leans on a wall, clearly pleased to be an authority on something. "She's a giant woman."

"Steven, Opal is only for emergencies." A bush rustles, and the two have out their weapons. A mountain goat pops out, and Steven screams.

"Ah! It's a Mountain Goat Guardian! Fuse into Opal! Big Steve, Transform!"

We all look at the kid, and I'm trying not to laugh. Pearl says the goat is normal and average, and it bites her. Then it follows us, and Steven dubs it 'Steven Jr.' he'll occasionally break into a song about the two, and then he'll add a verse about me once or twice.

"All I wanna do is see you turn into, a superhero, a superhero! All I wanna be is the one who gets to see a superhero!"

It's well composed, at least. The flow of the conversation switches the song to questions about me and Opal, as we go across some obstacles and trek on. We only walk for an hour and a half, but it feels much longer to me (because of the company I now keep, I swear I better get a cool medal for this). We eventually reach floating stones, right outside the temple. They aren't too far apart, but I think Amethyst and Steven might have trouble.

"Steven, I don't think you can make these jumps, let me-" Pearl begins, but Amethyst grabs the kid.

"Well let's try this!"

Then she threw him. He made it over to the first one, and then Amethyst completed a jump I wasn't expecting her to land. "See? It's no problem!" Then Steven fell.

I panicked for a moment and jumped after him, going against every instinct I thought I had.

Then, luckily, after I grabbed him, Pearl grabbed me, and Amethyst pulled us up. Wow, she's stronger than she looks.

"You saved me Stephen!"

"No, those two did. I can't fly or anything. Like this, I'm just a regular guy."

"Wow!" This kid doesn't really absorb what people say, does he? I just admitted to jumping off a cliff. "You guys worked so well together! Why don't you do that all the time?"

They look sheepish, and I feel like I'm observing a lot more through body language than usual. They do realize I just jumped off a cliff right? Why is this getting glossed over?

They all keep moving, and I follow, after they all carefully help Steven get across, they help me as well. We get to a walkway like a covered bridge, the final stretch in our journey, I suppose, and it ends at a dome structure. They walk through but I look around, trying to find a reason to be here. I follow them, and they're all huddled, goat included, over a tiny little building. I walk over and look inside. There's a bunch of stuff, I heard Steven exclaim things like, 'Beetle this, Beetle that', and I see a bunch of beetle sized stuff, including A SUPER NINTENDO with EARTHBOUND. I resolve to get the tiny thing if I fail in finding something. I will get small to play Earthbound for the first time on the original console.

"Why isn't the heaven beetle here?" Asks Pearl. "It wouldn't leave, would it? It could be anywhere!"

"Try freaking out more about it, that'll help us find it."

Whoa, cat fight.

"I can't believe your attitude Amethyst! The heaven beetle is gone, and all you're doing is slouching over there doing nothing!"

"It isn't MY fault-" 

They keep arguing and I look in the other rooms of the tiny temple for a core medal, hopefully the lightning beetle head, as would be thematically appropriate. The goat starts freaking out, and Steven runs over to break up the fight the two are having. Then I see a shadow, and I'm lifted off my feet.

I never thought I'd be eaten, you know. I wanted to be a hero, but I am now inside a giant bird thing. I pull out my sword and try and whack the sides of what I have to guess is the stomach of the bird thing. All sorts of stuff is slowly being formed into bubbles of a fleshy substance. The goat is here. He's gnawing something, I don't care, and I look around, noticing that one of the bubbles is glowing.

I walk up to it, but it's just got a rock inside. The bird lurches, and I fall over. I hear one of the medals fall out of the driver. I scramble to grab it, and I hear a thud. Looking over, I see Steven, who's freaking out. I can't quite see the medal, so I call out to him.

"Steven!"

"Big Steve! You're alright!"

"Quick, help me find something, it looks like a coin, but made out of colored glass and encased in metal!" I frantically search for it, and spot it over near where Steven Jr. is standing. I run over and grab it.

"Like this?" Steven asked.

"No, I found-" He's holding a core medal. He's holding the Taka medal. "Steven! You're the reason I'm here! Quick gimme that!"

He looks unsure. "Well, my dad gave it to me, so-" I look around and see the goat is munching on a beetle. I snatch it and hold the goat away while I present the beetle.

"This is what you came here for, right? I'll trade you." He perks up at the sight of it, and suddenly, hands shoot out of the walls.

They try to grab at me, and I bat at it with my sword. The hand flicks me on the nose and grabs me by the shirt. Steven and the goat too.

We're pulled out, and we're carried by a... giant woman? The splash was huge, and there's droplets falling all around, obscuring our vision of her features.

"Opal?" It's Steven, he's surprised, same as me.

We're yanked away, and Opal jumps over the dome to the covered walkway, just as the bird dissolves into shards, and reforms as tiny little bird things. Opal jumps us over the dome and slides down the covered pathway, jumping over the floating islands at the end.

"Stay low." She tells us, and lets go, her voice husky and strong. She walks forward and pulls out Amethyst and Pearl's weapons. They combine into a bow, and she pulls the string, creating a light arrow, and lets it go. The arrow flies to the center of the cloud of the mini-birds, and explodes, impaling each one with a bolt like arrow.

She turns around and walks to Steven, who's in awe. She offers him a hand, and he takes it, allowing himself to be pulled up.

"Uh-" He looks nervous. "Do you... know who I am?"

Opal smiles.

"All you wanna do, is see me turn into, a-"

"Giant woman." He almost whispers.

Then the second bird appeared and grabbed Opal.

Opal's bow is on the cliff, and she's restrained, all four arms, by the flying thing. This one is like a snake with wings, it's tail is what's wrapped around Opal, and it's winging her around.

Steven begins freaking out. I begin freaking out. The bird-snake flies around, and Opal is struggling. I remember something. 

"Steven! If you want to save Opal, trade me the medal!"

"But..."

"Steven, this is life or death right now, and I can save Opal if you give me the red medal."

"I..." He looks at the monster, and Opal, and looks back at me. "Okay." He gives me the taka medal and I give him the beetle. I insert the medal into the driver. Somebody check the clock, 'cause I believe it's go time.

"Hey Steven."

"Yeah?"

"Wanna see something cool?"

"Uh- sure!"

I get ready.

"I've been waiting for this." I tilt, no, I ARM the driver, and grab the scanner. It starts making it's whirring sound, and I smile.

I scan the coins, and it makes the noise, three tones. Time to do what I was born to.

"Henshin!"

TAKA-TORA-BATTA! TaToBa, TATOBA, TaToBa!

In a whirl of medals, I've done it. I'm Kamen Rider OOO. 

"Amazing! No Way! Look at your sword Big!" I look at my sword, and it's transformed into the medajalibur. I don't have any cell medals, so it's useless for a scanning charge, and I need to act fast, so I leave it where it is. The snake-bird flies by, and I focus on my arms, and the tiger claws pop out. I focus on my legs, and jump at it, cutting off the tail with my claw blades. The tail doesn't unravel though, and Opal falls. I spring off of the bird and fly past Opal to the ground, where I land hard, and using the grasshopper legs, I spring back up through the clouds and grab her bridal style.

"You alright?"

"Big Stephen?" She asks me, clearly surprised.

"Oy vey, that name. Yeah, it's me. Lemme take care of this."

We land and I set her down, but the tail won't let go. I see her bow on the ground.

"I gotta borrow this for a second." As I prepare to jump I hear her protesting.

"Wait, it won't work-" But I jump and scan my belt.

SCANNING CHARGE 

As I arc through the air into an impressive flip, I pull the bow string and an arrow appears with three rings in front of it. I zoom in with the hawk helmet and aim at the bird thing. 

"SEIYA!"

Then the arrow flies.

The tail disappeared with the destruction of the bird thing. I kept myself transformed as Steven mooned over my cool armor. Opal grabbed her bow from me and looked me over.

"I know, this is super dope armor, am I right?"

"How..." Man that's a perfect fusion of both their voices. Not like a Vegetto and Gotenks. "This is a gem weapon. How did you use a gem weapon?"

"I dunno. I just did." I de-arm the driver and go back to normal. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She says it quickly. "You should come with us." I don't argue, mostly because I don't really want too. Where would I go otherwise if not with them?

"He's coming with us?" Steven is practically vibrating. "Awesome!" He shows them the beetle. "Look! I also got the beetle!"

Opal looks relieved.

"I almost forgot."

We make our way back to the pad where the three startled me earlier. It seemed longer than an hour or two, but I suppose that's just because so much happened. Usually my hikes have me more... sweaty and unfulfilled. But this one, week long as it was, was pretty cool. I became a Rider, met some interesting people, and found the next part of my quest. It's odd, I find myself really more of a skeptic, but ever since waking up at the bottom of this mountain, I suppose I've become a believer in destiny. Maybe there is a god out there somewhere. We stop for a snack, and I sit down on a rock.

"So where are we going?" I ask, as I pass around sandwiches to everyone, my last ones. Opal looks at her sandwich curiously, and nibbles at it. Steven wolfs his down, and guzzles the orange juice I gave him. I eat vigorously, drinking my own juice and watching the two. Steven makes small talk about his favorite TV show, Crying Breakfast Friends. Opal is listening to him, she's got a smile that kind of reminds me of when Pearl was scoffing at me earlier, but without any cynicism.

"So-" I start. "You're a fusion of the two girls, Pearl and Amethyst?"

"Pearl and Amethyst were as much girls as you are, Mr. Rider." 

"My last name isn't rider; what do you mean by that?"

"Oh, I just thought your name-"

"No, I mean you say they aren't girls."

"No, we're gems. Me too, but I'm a bit more complicated. They have one, I have two." She points to hers with her two left arms, out of four, by the way. "I am stronger than the two of them, the equal merging of their two parts brought out to create something more."

"So you're a combination of them?" Steven asks. He's curious too, it seems. 

"I'm an amalgam of the two, I am the fusion of their two beings in one and I am my own being as well. Opal is made of Amethyst and Pearl, but is not Amethyst and Pearl." She looks at the sun setting almost past the horizon, and nods to us. "We should go, we've finished the mission, and you need to get to bed, Steven." She walks over to the pad, and Steven runs after her. 

"So-" We teleport. "Where are we going?” I pause. “Whoa, that was jarring."

"We're BACK!" Steven shouts.

A steaming hot, both temperature and attractiveness wise... gem? is standing in the middle of a really nice, if a tad on the small side, house. I look out the window and spy the ocean, so I guess this is a beach house.

"Did you get the heaven beetle?" The woman asks.

"Steven got it." Opal says.

"Good job." She? It? No, she pulls out a terrarium and puts in the beetle. "And I see you helped your teammates achieve fusion."

"Yeah, all I needed to do was get eaten by a bird!" That's an understatement.

"I'm perfectly capable of fusion without help." Sure she is.

"Good job Steven, you'll be great at fusion yourself one day."

"I can fuse?"

Time to introduce myself. I step more plainly into view.

"Hello, I’m Stephen.”


	2. THE COOL KIDS

've been in Beach City, in a state called Delmarva, in the good ol' U.S. of A., for about a week now. Opal and the other gem, Garnet, built me a side room in the house for some privacy, and gave me a bed to sleep on. They've been studying the OOO driver, and it's a little annoying how much it bothers me. I just want it back, right now, and I've always had a hatred for letting others use my things. There was a weird smell around the place for a bit, but Opal showed up the next day and said Amethyst had left an old burrito around in her room. Speaking of, the gems have a huge temple all to themselves. I only have a tiny room, but whatever.

Wait, am I their prisoner?

No, they'd probably treat me worse if I was. I hang out with Steven mostly, we play video games and watch TV. He and I are pretty similar in taste when it comes to shows and games. He watches a lot of anime and cartoons, old classic anime and shows like Crying Breakfast Friends, which sounds pretty shallow, but I've gotten really into. The characters are surprisingly deep, and the plot has a lot hidden beneath the surface. The show really drew me in at how dark it could get without making any character an edgelord.

Steven has also been introducing me to the residents of Beach City. The food is pretty solid here, but I've convinced Steven to get ingredients so I can cook. I like cooking, it's relaxing. Steven tells me Pearl cooks sometimes, but hates to eat. Don't know how that works.

We play videogames too, but he likes old J-RPG's and most of the indie games I tended to stick too are... non-existent. I really don't want to have to build up my indie cred, so I've chosen to stick to mainstream, but besides vidya there isn’t anything going on outside of Garnet and Opal disappearing for a bit to go on missions.

Speaking of, Garnet is super aloof and cool to the point where I don't think we could realistically be friends. She is so unapproachable. I've taken to just going outside when she's around. She seems to be a good leader though. She takes Steven out onto the beach and trains him on how to fight, and how to get better with his gem abilities. Opal does it too.

I've hung out with Opal a few times, but it's mostly been her testing my abilities with the medajalibur. According to her, I'm pretty bad. She's got this weird way of keeping everything super light and at the same time making sure you know what's important. Besides Steven, I like her the best. But I don't really know what dynamic they all have with each other.

Then, I met Greg. Greg showed up one day when I was hanging out in my room reading a copy of Juleps in July: A History of John Greeble Ferbo. The prolific founder of Delmarva. I heard Steven freak out and wondered what it was this time. I had realized he got excited about everything pretty quick, so I zoned out until I heard: "you gotta meet Big!" Steven had relented and shortened his nickname for me to just 'Big'. Opal called me Mr. Rider, and Garnet called me Owes. There was clearly a Steven in the house. I heard a knock on my door. I put on a t-shirt that said 'beach city babe' and answered.

"What's up Steven?"

"Big! This is my dad, Greg Universe. Dad, this is Big. The gems are making him stay here for a while!" I shake his hand, wavering on my position as prisoner.

"Hello..." He's an averagely tall man with a terrible farmer's tan, long hair but balding, and a large paunch. He looks a bit put off. Why doesn’t Steven’s dad live here? Or is there a reason for that? Maybe drop it.

"Hi. I'm also called Stephen, but with a PH. They've imprisoned me in this room and refuse to call me by my name." He blanches for a minute and then starts laughing.

"Wow Steven, this guy's hilarious!" He puts out a hand. "Nice to meet you Mr....?"

"I dunno."

He looks puzzled. "You don't know your last name?"

"Yes."

"You do?" Jeez, who's on first?

"I have no knowledge of my last name."

"We should figure it out! Where were you born?"

"It doesn't exist here."

"Wait, whaddya mean?"

"Yeah, whaddya mean?" Steven echoes.

"Where I was born does not exist on this earth."

"This earth? Are you an alien like the gems?"

"The gems are alien? I thought they were magic."

Steven raises his hand. "They're magic aliens!" He shouts with a grin.

"No, I'm not an alien. I'm from another earth." They don't really get it, so I explain. "Where I'm from, there is no Delmarva, it's three states called Delaware, Maryland, and Virginia. I'm from New England, where I lived in a state that doesn't exist here."

"So you're like Dimension Gaijin from Lonely Blade!" Steven says.

"What?"

The four of us watch Lonely Blade III: Dimension Blade, and I'm struck by how the Dimension Gaijin is similar to my story. He's from another earth without a Lonely Blade, and is invaded by aliens whose only weakness is Lonely Blade's Boomerang Blade. It's pretty crappy movie, but it's very illustrative of my situation.

"I find it hard to believe you never thought to mention this." Says Garnet.

"Me neither." I am pretty surprised. "It never crossed my mind that you wouldn't get that I wasn't from here. I guessed you'd have figured it out when I was asking about pop culture."

"We did find you in a bush at the Sky Temple." Opal says.

"I woke up at the bottom of that mountain with my magic bag and the driver. I didn't even have the taka medal. Speaking of, can I have my driver back?"

"What's a driver?" Greg asks.

"Big can transform into a Kamen Rider! Remember the red coin thing you gave me?" Greg nods. "He can use it to become a superhero! He saved me and Opal!"

Opal gets annoyed by this.

"I didn't do anything special, I just finished off the guy Opal beat." Opal looks at me with her eyes narrowed, and I look away. She's probably mad at me, or whatever. I was never any good with girls, magic alien or not.

"Whoa. Are you gonna join the Crystal Gems?" Greg asks. "I mean, I was around for a while, I basically joined, but I wasn't super, and there were never any super humans."

I think about it for a minute and look at the people around me. They ARE the ones taking care of me.

"I mean, probably. I'm a superhero, they're magical alien guardians, we seem to mesh power-wise, and I've been magically transported to this universe."

"You can be our Dimension Gaijin!" Steven yells. "Well, not exactly, because he doesn't join Lonely Blade, they'd have to rename the series."

"No." Says Garnet.

"I have no opinion." Says Opal.

"Shouldn't we have a vote? I vote yes, Garnet votes no, and Opal vote neither. She should turn back into Amethyst and Pearl, so they can vote!" Steven says.

Opal blushes. "They want to stay fused, they like being me. Pearl would vote no, and Amethyst would vote yes." She looks annoyed at the argument continuing. "So I abstain from the vote."

"I vote yes." I said, but no one seemed to care.

"How about you bring him on your next mission, and see if he actually meshes with the team?" Greg asks this to Garnet, and she crosses her arms.

"That seems reasonable." Opal puts in. "I mean, he can use our weapon." She crosses both arms. "We would be foolish to think that he wouldn't be useful."

At this, Garnet pauses and sighs. "Let me think about it."

I was never a believer in destiny, so when I found myself here it was a big shock. I quickly decided to go with the flow of the universe, and that got me the medajalibur and the taka medal, so I've decided to just keep it loose and go with the flow. But I'm also naturally really lazy, and I think I need a job, so I wandered the next day until I saw a help wanted sign, it was at the Beach City Public Library.

"Buck, you need to keep at this desk, you're the town's librarian!" A sweaty man with thinning hair was at the front desk, and next to him was a kid in ill-fitting clothes and cool shades, who was probably high.

"I don't wanna do that, I wanna hang out with my friends." The kid had a sleepy voice, it was very chilled out, contrasting his father's frantic ramble.

"Everyone has a job to do Buck, and yours is to be the librarian!"

"What about that tall guy!" He points to me, and I freeze up. "I've never seen him around."

"Uh... I live with the gems on the beach."

"You do?" Asks the man. "Do you have a job?"

"Nnnnnnoooooo..."

"Well, would you like to be the librarian of this fair library?"

"What's the pay?" I ask, because my skills as a random passerby are in high demand.

"Reasonable! We don't open the Library much, just three or four hours a day, and we'll give you 10 dollars an hour!" That IS reasonable.

"I don't have any ID or anything because-"

"Whatever!" He says, then leans in close. "I know what those girls do for the city." Then he straightens up and puffs out his chest. "Just remember to get people to come here! The library is the cornerstone of my October relevance campaign! When people see this place, they'll think of MAYOR BILL DEWEY!" He prepares to leave, and looks for that kid, but he left way back when the Mayor offered me the job. "Oh, and put in a good word with me to the cute one!" He leaves, and I guess I'm working? 

Wait, which is the cute one?

I sit behind the desk, and look at all my stuff. A computer, a card printer, and a security button. I print out a card for Steven, Garnet, and Opal, and then try and think up a last name. OOO? Too on the nose. Owes? Naw. Okoro? Like OOO but with a KR for Kamen Rider? I should do something funny, and not waste it. How about... 

"Mr. Galaxy?"

"Yes, my dear?"

"Your name is Stephen Galaxy?"

"That's what it says on my name tag and library card, so I suppose so. Now how can I help you?" It's a girl, she's Indian I assume, because her name is Maheswaran. 

"I finished this book, and would like another." She holds up A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. 

I don't know how to return books.

"Sure. I'll take that, and you go browse." I go and turn back to my computer to look at a blog I'd been reading. It was called Keep Beach City Weird and it was written by a guy who worked at the Beach Citywalk Fries. Ronnie or Ronaldo, one of the two. I'd have to check it out. Underneath the piles of terrible reblogs and rants about a snake person threat, he had legitimate records of gem activities. It was the real stuff that looked the fake, as I observed the postings. But there was some really dumb stuff. A fry mascot that came to life? A giant sky eyeball-

A giant skyball? Pretty ludicrous stuff. 

The girl came back around, she had Heretics of Dune. I had never read the series, so I wasn't a thousand percent sure what book that was, so I asked.

"Are you a big Frank Herbert fan?"

She starts. "Uh, not really."

Huh. "Did you read the other Dune books?"

"Um..." She says.

"Well, I think we have the first one." I look on the computer, and it, like almost everything else, is not checked out. "We do! Try that one first. Or Ringworld, by Larry Niven, if you like Sci-Fi. I don't really have time to read much anymore, but I liked that book a lot." She doesn't react. "Well, I can check that out for you, if you want, or you can keep browsing, we're open for a bit longer."

I don't know how to lock up. This mayor isn't very intelligent, and I still haven't figured out which gem is the hot one to him.

"I'd like this one, please." She hands me Heretics and I nod.

"Alrighty, let me ring you up."

I soon figured out how to check books out, and then Mayor Dewey returned with my pay. After Dewey told me how to do everything, I left with my 20 dollars and went to talk to the guy who ran Keep Beach City Weird.

He was absolutely useless. Ronaldo Fryman was a conspiracy theorist that believed everything. He ranted at me for a good hour about the truth, and I was very sick of it by the time his father got angry at him and told him to get back to work. I tried to duck out, I gave him terse monosyllabic answers, I threw in a few joke theories while he explained his, and all he did was nod thoughtfully and say how happy he was to have found another "truth-seeker". He was the absolute worst sort of basement dweller imaginable, and I couldn't imagine ever wanting to speak to him again. But then he told me that he thought DBZ was mainstream trash. We argued for another hour, and I was finally told by Mr. Fryman I'd need to buy something or leave the outside of his shop. I got myself a fish stick meal and got Steven something the guy called "the bits". This place is so weird sometimes.

I walked back, sipping on a soda I got at a corner store, with my food in hand, walking along the beach to my new residence. I had arrived in my favorite boots, my favorite jeans, favorite underwear, NASA shirt, and my favorite blue shirt I wore over it. I had no idea what the style was, but it was a long sleeved shirt with a buttoned collar. I think I heard it called a River Driver's shirt, but I don't know. Anyway, the sandy beach wasn't working with my heavy clothes, so I quickly asked the gems to get me clothes. They returned with pastel dock shorts that were almost too short, dockers and flip-flops, and a set of tacky Hawaiian shirts and souvenir tees. I loved it. I walked up to the house and I overheard talking.

"You have an inter-dimensional superhero living here? This is just like when Lisa met Vladimir Dragonsblood in The Spirit Morph Saga! I bet he's a smoldering broody hunk just like Vladimir!"

"Not really, Big is just pretty cool. He likes hanging out with me, and I wanted to introduce him, but he's been gone for a few hours."

"Yo, Steve-o!" I say as I enter. "I got you something called 'Fry Bits'!"

"Big!" Steven runs over and I think he's gonna hug me, but he just grabs the bag of bits and begins downing the definitely unhealthy snack.

"Wait- he's Big?" It's the girl from the library. Maheswaran.

"Yup!" Says Steven between gulps.

"Your broody hunky superhero is the librarian?" She deflates. "That's not magical!"

"Big Stephen doesn't need magic! He's a Kamen Rider!"

"A Kamen Rider? So he isn't even a gem?" Wow this kid.

"Nope!" Steven grins. "He's one-hundred-percent human.”

“American grown beef, right here!” I point to myself and me and Steven start to laugh. The next few minutes are us talking, and I’m not surprised that Connie is pretty much a huge nerd. She obviously likes hanging out with Steven more than she wants to talk to me, so I decide to grab a radio and a beach chair and sit out by the waves waiting for sunset. You can’t force someone to like you, it’s either instant or gradual, and if I’m joining their team, I might see her a lot, so it’s no pressure to get her on the OOO bandwagon. I was told I would get the driver back today, so I just wait and listen to the radio.

“Hello.” I look up and it’s Opal. “Are you enjoying the sunset?” The radio is playing a mellow beat, and it’s beautiful around here. 

“Moreso now.” I pat the sand next to my chair. “Come sit with me and just check out for a minute.” After a second, she obliges me and we’re sitting on the beach with nice music and a beautiful view. “Man, you know what would be great right now?”

“No, what?”

“Some soda pop.” I sigh at my bad luck, as we had some root beer in the fridge back at the beach house. I feel a nudge on my shoulder. I turn my head, and Opal is holding one of the bottles, and I gratefully accept it. “You’re the best.” I twist it open and take a sip. I slouch in my chair even more. 

“Is this what you spend your time doing when Garnet and I aren’t around?” She asks, and I giggle.

“No, of course not.” I take another sip before planting the bottle into the sand. “I got a job, I’ve been around the town, you know. Getting my bearings.”

“Getting your bearings?”

“Yeah.” I close my eyes, and feel the last few bits of warmth from the sun on me while the night’s coolness begins to bite at me. “What about you? How’s the whole fusion thing been going?”

“What fusion thing?”

“Oh, you know. The way Steven explained it, you’re the other two most of the time. How does it feel to stretch your legs?”

“It’s odd, but I feel awake after a long time. Pearl and Amethyst experience life seperately, but I experience life in my way. It’s nothing new, this planet is something both of them have seen, but experiences change with me. I am the two of them in synchronization. A give and take.”

“Cool. It’s great to know you Opal. I like you all a whole lot.”

“Oh!” She sounds a little surprised. “We like you too, Mr. Rider.”

“Yeah.” Then we sat there in silence until the sun went down. I felt pretty good when I went to sleep that night.

The next day, Steven woke me up by knocking loudly on my door. 

“We gotta mission, Big! Wake up!” I yawn and walk over to the bathroom to bathe quickly. I throw on a Hawaiian shirt and shorts. I strap on the driver and make sure all three medals are in the container on the side. I should check my magic backpack for the medal holder from the show. But for now, I put on my sneakers and walk outside. The others are already there, and I nod hello.

“What’s going on?”

“There’s something we need to check out on the other side of the temple.” Says Garnet, and I nod.

“So are we walking?”

“Of course.”

“Okay. I’m glad I wore sneakers.” After that we set off on our trip. The walk is uneventful, and we eventually get to a small rocky area with a pond. Steven rushes off while the gems and I walk to the top of the ridge. 

“This is bad.” Said Opal.

“Whoa, cool” Steven exclaimed, from down in the pond. The gems freak out and Garnet throws a big rock that lands on the opposite of the smaller rock Steven is standing on, and he flies into Opal’s arms.”Steven’s here!”

“Whoa!” I exclaim, and Opal is already looking to reprimand Steven.

“You have to be careful around that sort of thing, Steven.”

“Why?” Then we see a duck almost get eaten by the moss that is in the pond. “What is that stuff?”

“It was moss that Rose Quartz grew on the hill.”

“Who?” I ask.

“Rose.” Opal says, and begins to project some sort of hologram out of her forehead opal of a huge woman with a serene look. “Was the leader of the Crystal Gems before Steven’s birth. She died a long time ago.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. What happened?”

“Mom gave up her physical form so I could be born.” Steven says. “See her gem on her stomach?” I nod and he pulls up his shirt to point at his gem. “This is that gem.”

“Wow. I never knew that.” The woman who is in the picture in the house was real? And is Steven’s dead mom? Who knew.

“Anyway, back to the moss-” Opal’s hologram disappears. “Rose used to tend to it on the top of the hill, but now that she’s gone, it’s moved all the way here.”

“It’s lost.” Steven adds.

“What do we do about it?” I ask.

“No idea.” Garnet says.

“I have an idea!” Opal interjects. Five minutes later, we’ve coated the area in yellow police tape, and the gems seem to be satisfied with this. “Now, no one will go past this point, and we have time to come up with a plan for the moss.”

“No, that’s a bad plan.” I object, and she looks at me, scandalized. “Sorry, but if you think this’ll stop a nosy person, you’re deluded.” I pause and think it over. “This seems like a problem more designated towards your skills rather than fighting, so how about I stay here and make sure nobody goes through your tape, and you guys figure out how to deal with Audrey II?” None of them seem to get the reference, so I sit down and plant my sword in the grass. “Just hurry up. I don’t wanna be here all day.” I close my eyes.

“Who wants to get some lunch?” Steven asks. “Just me then.

“No wait, I’ll go.” I sit up and join Steven. “If I don’t eat now, you guys will forget about me.”

“We won’t!” Opal says and puffs out her cheeks. That’s a little adorable.

“I’ll eat lunch with Steven and be back here as soon as possible.” I wave them off. “Maybe if you hurry you’ll beat me back.” They jump off and I begin to walk with Steven. “So buddy, what’s on the menu?”

“I was gonna get a pizza.” He stops for a minute. “Gonna get a Pee- Gonna get a Za-” He makes a little song and begins to add lyrics we walk for another 20 or 30 minutes until we get to the city-ish part of Beach City with most of the shops. “Hey, is that Lars?” It’s a skinny hipster who looks like he’s trying a bit hard. “Got a high-five for ya, comin’ from waaaaay down town!” He runs to the hipster.

I hear the other one whisper something and Steven pats him on the chest. They talk and I just wait. Something about me says this guy is a weirdo. I’ve never been here before, Fish Stew Pizza. I walk in and sit at a table.

“Hey, you’re the new librarian.” I look over and there’s the kid whose job I stole.

“You’re the mayor’s son right?” I scratch the back of my head. “I’m bad with names.”

“Buck. My name is Buck.”

“Hello.” I wave.

“Hello! I’m Kiki and welcome to Fish Stew Pizza! Can I get you a drink?”

“Do you have green tea?’

“On the fountain over there. I’ll get you a cup.”

“Thanks.”

“So-” It’s the other girl who’s here with Buck. “Why do you have that sword and belt? Are you some sort of anime geek?”

“Uh- it’s a long story. Let’s just say I’m a librarian.”

“What do you need a sword for if you’re a librarian?” The skinny guy asks.

“Cutting into a new book?” The girl chuckles, and Kiki brings me a cup. “Thanks. Could I have two slices of…” I look through the menu. “What do you recommend?”

“Well-” Kiki says. “I like the fish and chips special.”

“Sounds good.”

“Well, anyway- he opened the door, and there was doggy doo everywhere.” The girl says.

“That’s nasty, I don’t like nasty stuff.” The kids keep talking for a bit while I wait for my pizza.

“Come on, let's get out of here.” The older girl suggests this to the tall boy and Buck, and they head out. Soon my pizza comes, and it’s a pretty good pizza pie. I eat quickly and shell out the few dollars needed, and by the time I finish and walk outside, they, Lars, and Steven, are heading off somewhere in a car.

Okay.

I decide to take the expressway and transform in the alley next to the pizza place, bounding into the air. I’m back very quickly and happily resume my place as watchman on top of the ledge overlooking the pond. But the combination of it being a nice day and my full stomach made me doze off.

My dreams are… odd. I see… Amethyst and Pearl, I think. I haven’t really MET them, really, but I see them. They’re all doing what we were earlier, but I’m not there. Huh. It’s kind of an odd dream, I don’t really understand why I’d dream that but-

“This is all YOUR FAULT.” What? “I knew if something went wrong today it would be because of you! Now I’m never gonna be friends with these guys, all because of your weird MOM!” Wait, what? I sit up.

“What do you know about my Mom? I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KNOW MY MOM!” Steven, oh crap! “But I do know she saw beauty in everything, even in stuff like this, and even in jerks like you!” I run to the edge of my sleeping ledge, and see Steven and Lars and a pile of moss.

“Whoa you two! What’s the commotion?” I ask, and they whirl to me.

“We need to get them to the top of the hill!” Steven shouts and points to the moss lumps.

“Wait, them? Are those people?”

“It’s Buck, Jenny, and Sour Cream!” Steven replies. “Help us get them to the car!” He points to the pizza car they left in earlier, and I freak out. Wait, that tall kid is named Sour Cream? Why?

“I’ve got a better idea.” I say, and I arm the OOO driver. “I’ll get us there in a hop!”

“What does that mean?” I hear Lars whisper.

“He’s a superhero!” Steven whispers back.

“Henshin!”

Taka! Tora! Batta! Ta-To-Ba, TA-TO-BA, Ta-To-Ba!

“What just happened? Why is that librarian in a costume now?”  
“More than a costume! Now how do I?”

“Wait, are those-” Lars? “Can you use this?” Is that a medal? The eel!

“Yes I can!” I take it. “Where am I going Steve-o?”

“The top of the hill!”

“Okay!” I swap out the tiger and put in the eel.

Taka! Unagi! Batta!

I wrap the eel whips around the moss and Steven and Lars. 

“Hold on!” Then I jump. We soar through the air.

“AAAAAAH!” They scream, Steven in laughter and Lars in fear.

We make it to the bottom of the hill, and I bound to the top.

“Okay, now what?” I ask, and retract the whips.

“I just thought it needed to be on the hill-”

“It’s on me!” Lars begins to freak out.

“Steven! It’s on you too!”

“Oh no!” Oh shit! What do I do?!

“What do I do?!” I ask, and the two keep getting swallowed up.

“Steven?” Lars asks weakly.

“Yeah?” Steven replies.

“This sucks!” Then they’re wrapped up too.

“What do I do?” I freak out and begin to futilely tear moss of Steven. It’s pointless. I close my eyes in sorrow, and then-

“Big Steve?”

“You’re alive?” I ask as I open my eyes and see Steven, fine and covered in odd flowers.

“Ugh- what happened?”

“I think I died.”

“The moss bloomed!” I look up and the rest have gathered at the edge. There are beautiful flowers floating around us. “You can see all of beach city from here!”

“It’s beautiful!” They all gesticulate.

“How did we get here?” They all look at me. “Wait, is that the librarian?” Jenny asks.

“What? No.” I point a finger at my chest. “I am Kamen Rider OOO”

“I recognise your voice dude.” Damnit Buck. 

“He helped Lars get you here!” Steven says and I look over to him.

“He did? Thanks you two.” Sour Cream thanks us and I wave it off.

“It was all Lars.”

“Thanks Lars.” Buck says, and Jenny thanks him also. They begin to laugh and dance as Sour Cream begins to “Rave” to the scenery.

“Well, all’s well that ends well.” Steven says.

“Please don’t tell the others I almost let you die.” I ask.


	3. SUSHI MAN

The others leave soon, and Steven and I are sitting on the top of the hill.

“So…” I trail off. “I heard you and Lars talking about your Mom.” He looks at me. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.” Oh thank God! I turn around and get ready to walk away. “It’s just…” Aw man. “Sometimes I feel like there’s all these things about Mom that I just don’t know.”

“Well, why don’t you ask the other gems? Or what about your Dad?”

“Every time I brought up my Mom when I was younger, I could see how sad they got. I wanna know, but…” Huh.

“You know, kid-” I say, and sit down.

“Is it uncomfortable in that costume?”

“I like it. You’re a good guy Steven, it seems like all you do is just to help people. But I think sometimes it’s okay to be a little selfish.” He looks at his knees.

“I dunno.”

“Hey, just know that if you need to talk-” I think for a minute. “About something you can’t talk to any of the gems or your dad, or a reasonable authority figure about, you can come to me.” He looks at me with a starry look.

“Thanks, Big.”

“No problem, Little.” That’s the right thing to do, right? Good job, me. I deserve a treat. I bring Steven home and decide to treat myself.

I reluctantly turn back into not-OOOs and walk into the Big Donut near the house. 

“Hello?” I ask. “Y’all open?” Steven raves about this place, so it must be good, I suppose. But he’s a bit of a garbage gut, just like me. “That kid better not have emotional issues like me.” I mutter. “Hello? ANYBODY?”

“Ah!” I hear a thump. “Don’t go! We’re open!” Then a short, kinda chubby looking girl walks out of the back and to the front counter rubbing her head. “Sorry, what can I get you?”

“Uh-” I look over to the menu. It’s mainly doughnuts, and I’m the kind of guy who has a love-hate relationship with doughnuts. I love them, but my body hates them. “Could I have a French Cruller?”

“Sure.” She goes over and grabs one of my donuts. I reach into my pocket and see I’ve still got a few of the dollars the gems gave me for living. They give Steven more, I suppose they trust him. I should probably try and ingratiate myself a bit more.

“How much for a dozen?”

“It’s six dollars for a dozen.”

I have six. I should get the others some. I should also save some money, so I can get technology outside the library. Eh. “This might sound odd, but do you know a Steven Universe?”

“Oh Steven? Yeah, he’s a regular.”

“Could you fill up a box with doughnuts he-” Grown man asking for sweets for a kid alert. “-And the gems like?”

 

“Oh, do you know them?”

“I’m kinda-sorta a crystal gem myself.” I say, pointing to myself while I close my eyes in a bit of allowed braggadocio. 

“Oh, cool.” She says, as if I didn’t just say that I was a magical superhero. “Well, here’s Steven’s usual, I hope your gem-thing works out.”

“...Thanks.” I say, as I pay and leave. That was weird. Aren’t the gems like a superhero team? Where’s the awed reverence, the questions about them, the quest for knowledge? It’s like she just doesn’t really think it’s cool I have super powers. “It’s cool that I have super powers! That girl was crazy.”

“Are you talking to yourself?” I look up and Opal is sitting on one of the arms of the temple.

“Uh- Yeah..” I ask, and debate jumping up there. I decide against it, because my cool poses would be hindered by this box of donuts.

“Any interesting subjects?”

“Well, I was just at the Big Donut, getting food for everyone, and I told the girl who worked there I was a crystal gem, in a trial sort of way, and she was just so not impressed. The whole reaction was very underwhelming.”

“Ah yes, Donut Girl is a frequenter of Steven’s daily tales.”

“Donut Girl.” I repeat, a little put off. The Big Donut is easily the closest restaurant, and the girl knew Steven’s order, so he must know her well. It’s so… dispassionate, so impersonal. I wonder if by her calling me Mr. Rider, I’m being put into the same sort of arm’s length. “Do Gems age? She looks at me with an odd stare.

“No, they do not.”

“I guess age must be kind of meaningless to you, then.”

“It’s not meaningless, the concept of time passing is understood- it’s just not really significant to us.”

“But humans age, and go away.”

“Yes, they do.”

“I gotta go.” I say, and walk away. I guess by meeting me out here she might have wanted to hang out, but I’m not really feeling that shit when I feel like a fucking idiot for thinking I was special.

I sit in my room and wish I could just fucking forget what just happened. I look through my bag and find the little folder for the medals, of course. This bag’ll have to run out of cool shit eventually.

Ehh. I fucking hate feeling like this. This uncertainty of where I stand. Whatever.

I thought Opal was cool, like, an awesome alien space babe, but I guess I might be misreading the mood. Like, whatever though.

I should go to sleep. I gotta work tomorrow.

The next day, I wake up and bathe, getting dressed and shaving. I’ve been requesting amenities from the gems, and a few days ago there was a cell phone on the counter with a sticky note that had my name on it. Today there’s a good laptop on the table, and it has a note on it as well.

Stephen-  
Talk to Opal and explain your motives for yesterday.  
G.

How does she DO that? There’s a laptop bag and a cable on the counter too, and I load up the bag, grab the medajalibur from the umbrella stand.

Steven isn’t in his part of the house, and Opal isn’t around either, so I guess they’re on a mission or something.

Leaving down the beach, I head to the small library. I figured out why the library is usually empty, because there’s ANOTHER library. The Buddwick Public Library. 

After I finished my shift, I went in there and saw a bunch of people. Great selection too. I even saw a Mayor Dewey poster up on the wall promoting a reading initiative. 

The librarian came up to me and gave me a stank-eye and asked if I worked for the Beach City Public Library and I said yes, and then she walked away.

I felt a bit odd, it wasn’t like I was here to ape ideas. We’ve got upcoming events at the library that I have to work, but I got a look at theirs, and they don’t overlap at all. Mayor Dewey’s “October Relevance Campaign” seems to be just about supporting the city’s knowledge centers.

Anyway, I walked into work, unlocking the library with my key, and sit down. Dewey pays for this place to be cleaned every few days, so all I need to do is reshelf the returns from the book drop and set up the new displays for reading if there are any before I open.

It’s an alright gig.

After I take care of everything, I open the door, and in walks Connie. I feel a bit out of place, I’m wearing a sadness hoodie, and she picks up on it, I think.

I say I think because she walked in and looked around. She didn’t even say hi.

Whatever.

I set up software and stuff on my new computer, and begin to browse the internet until Connie walks up with three or four books I don’t recognize.

Maybe I should take this time to read Infinite Jest. I’ve put it off for a long time, and it’s good, from what I’ve read.

I check out Connie’s books, and as she leaves, I say “bye Connie”, and she says a quick bye and I feel a bit put off.

I grab our copy of Infinite Jest and begin to read for a few hours and feel happy that we still have David Foster Wallace, at the very least. I’m a very pretentious DFW fan.

Eventually, after I manage to get my way through a chunk of book, the three kids from the other day walk in. 

“Oh hey,” I say. “Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny, right?”

“Yeah.” Buck says. “Listen, we just wanted to thank you for the other day.”

“Yeah, it was pretty dope.” Sour Cream adds.

“My dad says you eat half-price forever now.” Jenny says, as she looks away.

“Oh cool. You guys have good pizza.”

“Oh, thanks.” She says.

“So you guys, how old are you?” I ask. They’re probably not that much younger than me.

“We’re all 17.” Buck says, and I nod. 

“Oh, cool. I’m 19 myself.” I say, and they start.

“Really?” Jenny says and I nod. 

“Yeah, I’m pretty cool- employed AND a superhero?” I shrug and pull a stupid face. “Who’da thunk it?”

They don’t laugh, which is okay, because I have superpowers now so fuck ‘em.

“Look, um…” Sour Cream asks, before being cut-off.

“You wanna hang out sometime?” Jenny asks, and I nod.

“Sure.” I say. “Let me give you guys my number.” She walks over and I take the slip I’ve been keeping in my pocket with the number for my phone. “Text me your name, would ya?” They nod.

“My mom wants to invite you to dinner.” Sour Cream says, and I nod.

“Oh, cool!” I say, and he texts me an address and his name.

“Are you free tonight?” He asks, and I nod. “Come around seven.”

“Okay, cool.” I say, and the three stand there for a bit. “So you guys just told your parents about the weird moss?”

“Well, they all noticed the flowers, we just told them what happened.”

“Huh.” I notice that everyone is oddly open here. It’s good that they’re like this, but it’s odd to me, I think, knowing the usual narrative of the unaware townsfolk and the idiot adults, but it’s nice to know that people are trying to be aware.

They begin to file out, and Jenny lingers for a bit, and I wave to her as she leaves. She ducks out quickly, and I get back to my book.

Later on, I shelf all the returns from the day and lock up, looking at my phone. I can go home and shower and then get to the address Sour Cream gave me. I really don’t want to see the gems.

I feel like it should be nothing, but I don’t know. All I can think about is being so… insignificant to the gems, and I just want to avoid them.

I duck in and put my sword away, and take another shower, no soap, just a rinse, and put on some relatively nicer clothes on. I reluctantly give up my sadness hoodie. 

I duck out of my room and through the house, walking through the screen door.

I hear the sound of the teleporter and walk away.

The address is a smaller house, a family home, and I knock on the door, an older woman, attractive but a bit tired looking opens the door.

“Hi, I’m Stephen, Sour Cream said you guys wanted me for dinner?”

“Finally, out meal has arrived!” She cries, and I recoil a bit. “Sorry, I just thought it was funny when you said ‘wanted me for dinner’.”

“Oh.” I say. “Cool.”

“I’m Vidalia, you know Sour Cream, let me introduce you to the rest of my family.” She walks through, and I remove my sandals to try and be polite. The group sitting around the table is a bearded man, a chubby kid, and Sour Cream.

“This is my husband Yellowtail, and our son Onion. You know Sour Cream, don’t you?”

“Heh, I uh- yeah.”

“You saved my son, and Yellowtail and I really appreciate that.” She says, and Yellowtail walks up to me and shakes my hand.

“Muh, muh muh muh muh, Muh!” He says, and I smile and nod.

“It was nothing,” I brush them off.

“It wasn’t nothing!” Vidalia says, and pulls me into a hug. “I used to hang out with these tough chicks who would fight monsters, and I’ve seen how tough some of them can be. To save our boy from one…”

“I’m just glad I could help.” I say and return the hug for a moment, before I break away. She looks up at me and her and Yellowtail have some serious emotion in their eyes.

“Can we eat please? I’m sure Stephen doesn’t want to be smothered before his meal.” Sour Cream says, and I gratefully accept the out and take a seat next to Onion. 

“Okay, okay.” Vidalia says, and she walks into what I assume to be a kitchen. “Yellowtail brought us something special for Stephen.” She walks out with a bunch of sushi and sashimi on a plate. “Ta-da! In the eastern tradition, a fish feast!”

Sour Cream looks a bit underwhelmed, and I do not. This looks great. I see eel and tuna and shrimp and salmon. Damn.

“This looks delicious.” I say, and Vidalia beams.

“Yellowtail caught all of this.”

He lets out a few muhs of pride, and I nod to him, and then dig in.

“I love sushi. It’s my favorite food.” Vidalia and the rest dig in as I watch Onion with a plate of uncut rolls of sushi. He begins to bite into them like a breadstick.

“This is all really good, mom.” Sour Cream says after I’ve dug in. I murmur agreement, and we eat in silence for a bit, until Vidalia looks up and asks me:

“So, what do you do around here besides saving my son?”

“Uh, I’m a librarian.” I say. “Over at Beach City Public Library.”

“The new one?”

“Yes?” I shrug. “I don’t really know. I’ve only been here for a few weeks.”

“Where were you before Beach City?” She asks.

“Uh, some weird mountain temple and another reality.”

“What?” They all ask, although Yellowtail and Onion are really saying more “muh” than anything. I don’t really understand them, but somehow I get the gist of what they mean. It’s a bit odd.

“I’m from another universe, similar to this, but without any of the superpowers and such. Now I’m here and I have superpowers and there’s monsters and magical women. I also didn’t have a nice beach near my house then, so that’s cool.” I eat more sushi. They use their hands, like you SHOULD I’m pretty sure, which I appreciate. “I live in the house over by the temple.”

“With Amethyst?” Vidalia asks, as the others are still processing the universe comment.

“Uh, sort of. Right now she’s fused with the tall skinny one, I think she’s called Pearl, and they’re Opal. I don’t really get what gems are.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah.”

We eat for a while, and I don’t bring up any more magic shit. Maybe it’s like, out of sight, out of mind? They realize monsters attack, but the gems take care of it, and no one really thinks about it too hard.

Then there’s a giant bang from outside.

“Is that coming from the beach?” Asks Vidalia, and I stand up and run outside.

“Thanks for the meal!” It’s dark, but not so dark that nothing can be seen. The moon reflects off the water and casts a glow across the beach where I see the thing making the bang. It’s a goo-beast with a glowing core.

“Henshin!” I yell, and insert the Tatoba medals, They scan and I transform.


End file.
